Companions on the Journey

“The greatest use of a life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.”
― William James

Every teacher has a different story about why we entered education. For many teachers, the driving force ranges from a passion about our academic content area, to a heartfelt desire to help kids unlock a love for learning. 

Our paths into the classroom are unique and diverse. For me, the biggest push into the classroom was the authentic relationships I had with my childhood teachers, especially at one of the most challenging moments of my life.

Advice and support

I’ve been working in education for 20 years. I still remember the sage(ish) advice that I received from veteran teachers about classroom management, lesson planning, sequencing, and more. None of them talked to me directly about building healthy and authentic relationships with my students. And yet, many of them were already doing it – they were already fantastic mentors, advice-givers, boundary-setters, and fountains of grace. They didn’t know that they were more than just animators of education: they were also sources of support, and safe harbors during the storms of life. 

Those who are not in education rarely grasp that our profession isn’t simply about transferring information, assessing content mastery, and preparing learners to be matriculated to the next academic level. We teachers get to know our students; listen to their ups and downs; and walk with them through life’s high points and milestones – as well as through devastating setbacks and heartbreaking loss. Along the way teachers, too, experience loss – and frustrations, setbacks, and heartaches: and we know these experiences transform us. And in our role, we have the opportunity to support our students through some of their life events: the good and the not-so-good alike. We can be companions on their journey. 

Sudden life changes

This past year, one of my senior students experienced the sudden and tragic death of their father, and their older sibling, in a devastating car accident. In one singular moment, life changed forever. This resonated with me deeply. Back when I was in seventh grade, my dad woke up just as he did every morning, got ready for work, and headed out the door before the sunrise. On his way to work, he had a heart attack and passed away. He was 44 years old, and I was just 13. The floor fell out from underneath me; the room closed in, and life was never the same. The one thing I needed during that first year was stability and someone to just listen – and my teachers became my companions on the journey. 

Amid my student’s tragic loss, I understood that their journey just took an unplanned turn. They were going to be forever changed by this loss, and as much as life would never be the same, they needed a space that felt safe and supportive. So I embraced my own history and made sure my student had a space that felt stable, flexible, and overflowing with grace. Over the school year, there were tears and laughter; fond memories and dark humor; and coping and growth. I didn’t do anything outside of my wheelhouse – I’m not a counselor or therapist, I’m a teacher and a dad. As a companion on my student’s journey, I was simply there to walk along the path and listen with the ear of my heart. 

The long academic year eventually ended. In our school community, we have a tradition where graduating seniors receive a letter from their parents or guardians – and in return, they write a letter to someone who impacted their lives in special ways. To my surprise, I received a letter – and it left me gutted. This same student, who had lost both their parent and sibling, wrote me a letter detailing how I was a “second dad” for them, and that they were thankful for my listening and the grace I was able to provide. Yet I did not set out to do anything special for my student or to go outside my professional realm. I just aimed to be present, to listen, and to watch out for them. 

My wish for teachers

My experience has left me with a perspective that I’d like to share with other educators. 

Teachers, please don’t underestimate the impact of your presence in student lives. You are more than just an instructor – and teaching is about so much more than your content area. Your impact may not be immediate, but very often it will be felt. Instead of worrying about remembering our “why,” my experience has shown it’s more important for teachers to focus on the present moment, and the young person right in front of us. We never fully know what they are experiencing, nor do they know what we have experienced. Don’t be afraid to walk on that path with them as a companion, and to listen with your heart. 

“A society grows great when old men plant trees in whose shade they shall never sit.” 
— Greek Proverb