As mountain climbers do, a parent focuses on steady progress to achieve big results
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Progress Instead of Perfection

ByAmanda Doherty-Kirby Updated on

When I look back over all that has happened in 2023, things seem a bit overwhelming. 

The year’s upsides: 
  • Solo trips for the first time in many years 
  • acquiring new skills, opportunities, and connections 
The downsides: 
  • plans going awry 
  • unexpected home renovations 
  • new or worsened medical conditions in family members 
  • rising food and housing costs 
  • tragic world events 

… and more. 

Yet, I’m calmer than I have ever been. 

Some would say this calm is the result of sheer exhaustion: but the reality is that I’ve become more intentional on focusing on what I can do – and not the mountain of ‘I have to do this right now’ tasks. It’s a practice I lost somewhere along the way, but that’s coming back to me.

New habits 

So, what does this focus on what I can do look like? It means: 

  • letting go of the ‘I should haves’, and forgiving myself 
  • concentrating on today 
  • planning for the future 

This new focus also means: 

  • setting boundaries 
  • reducing time on social media so tasks get done 
  • taking a different approach to household chores: 
    • when necessary, telling others “There is not more of me. You have to step up.” 
    • saying no sometimes or asking for help (just as I do outside of our home) 

Now, I concentrate on making progress in increments: 

  • decluttering one space or item at a time 
  • keeping a running list of things that need to get done, and being happy if one gets crossed off on any day 
  • writing bits of material instead of a blog 
  • reading fiction one or two pages at a time 
  • capturing small moments with each of my six children daily, inviting them to help with tasks I am already doing, or spending time on their interests. 

Many Benefits

The result? My house is cleaner, I’m able to volunteer or take a break without feeling guilty, my family is communicating better, and I am feeling less taken for granted. 

It’s progress, not perfection, and I’m good with that. 

Amanda Doherty-Kirby lives in Prince Edward Island with her husband and six school and university-aged children. While Amanda’s formal training is as a biochemist, her lived experience as a full-time caregiver over 17 years has created a passion for bringing both patient and public voices to research. You can find her sharing opportunities on Instagram as the main administrator of @youth_in_research or follow her personally on Twitter (X) @biochemmama

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