A Closer Relationship
My husband bravely became part of our family when the kids were teenagers. Memories of our wedding ceremony always make me chuckle. I picture us all splendiferously tuxed and gowned: me and the two kids to the left, while the Officiant married us all.
Somehow from the beginning my new husband seemed to know how to do the stepdad thing. He didn’t try to replace my children’s biological father and – as we agreed – he let me be the heavy when it came to discipline. While I corralled bad behaviour and created appropriate retorts for the regular questioning of my wisdom, my husband stood by calmly and let the kids come to him.
Juggling dollars
At 19 years of age, our son – who hated high school more than the idea of working in the service industry – left home and got an apartment with a buddy. He toured as the drummer with a heavy metal band; cooked in a restaurant to fund those adventures; and each month, anxiously juggled his limited dollars to pay for expenses.
What to do about those scant, airborne dollars? My son realized his stepdad, who was an Excel spreadsheet / numbers kind of guy, would be good at helping him sort things out. And so for the first time, and without my involvement, my son went to him.
A better solution
One night, after a Mom-cooked meal, the budgeting exercise began.
First there was the light bulb moment: who knew one needs as much money coming in as going out?
Next, my husband invoked the spirit of Gail Vaz-Oxlade, host of the early 2000’s reality show ‘Til Debt Do Us Part’. Gail’s practice was to divide all the cash for expenses (no credit or debit cards allowed) into jars.
Determining that it was unlikely there’d be enough jars on hand, my husband and son opted for envelopes instead. Then (just like Gail) the two of them patiently and methodically came up with a set of expense categories; labelled the envelopes; and allocated how much money needed to go in each. My son was thrilled that he didn’t have to feel guilty about the occasional beer out with his friends – there was an envelope for that, too.
Growing the relationship
That early budgeting exercise really worked, and it certainly helped build the growing relationship between my son and his stepdad. And to this day, whenever the kids come to my husband for help, I know he loves it.
