A Mother’s Gift of Strength After Tragedy

Looking back, my childhood seemed fairly typical. I grew up in the 1980s, and both of my parents worked full-time jobs outside of the home. In those days, we stayed close to our extended family: my father was one of six children, so life was busy with aunts, uncles, and cousins. We also got together regularly with my mom’s small family.

My childhood memories are of frequent family gatherings, holidays, playing with friends in the neighborhood, and following the natural rhythm of life. In those days, life was simple and good.

Life transformed

Much of that earlier life is just a blurred memory now, as everything changed one Monday morning in December 1993, when I was 12. My dad had a cardiac episode on his way to work and passed away. He was 44 years old.

I remember every moment of that day. Life transformed, and a thick shield of scar tissue instantly covered the way we used to live.

My newly widowed mom became the only earner in the household, and to make things function, she took on a second full-time job on top of the one she already had in her family’s business. My father’s extended family, formerly close, never came around, never contacted us, and never returned our calls. The memories of their deceased brother and uncle were too painful of a reminder. Everything was different, and I was no longer certain of life’s direction.

Essential guidance

During this chaos, my mom gave me the greatest gift I never knew I needed: stability. This incredible woman taught me how to survive and find my new direction. And she gave me essential guidance when I needed it.

After losing my dad, I became hyper-fixated on doing the home tasks he used to do, and I sacrificed my friendships to get that work done. I worried that unless I did things the way my father had, I’d let my mom down and be a failure.

Mom reached out to me with an important message during this turmoil. She explained that I couldn’t change what happened, or transform the hearts of my family members; and that it wasn’t my responsibility to take on my dad’s household duties and roles. Instead, my mom encouraged me to continue to live life my way, in tribute to everything that my dad represented to me.

My mother built a stable home, which helped me thrive despite life’s uncertainties. Creating a safe haven required enormous sacrifices from her, highlighting the heroic nature of parental love. Because of mom’s love and support, I graduated from college, pursued my career in education, built a family, and thrived.

Repaying a gift

I’m now at the age my father was when he passed, and I have the honor of taking care of my mother in her advancing years. I’m working with her to create a secure environment, so she feels comfortable and independent in her own space. I’m doing my small part to repay her gift of stability.

It is my privilege to give a small portion back to the massive investment my mom made in making me into the man I am today. Her gifts of love and stability shape me as a human, as a husband, as a father, and as an educator. My life is a tribute to all that my mom has been and continues to be for me.

Thank you, Mom.