A New Mother’s Early Discoveries
When I was young and envisioned becoming a mother, I expected to feel empowered, instinctual, and wise. Once my first child was here, however, I instead found myself overwhelmed and second-guessing almost everything.
In those early days and months of being a first-time mother, I realized that society had taught me to outsource my intuition. Accepted norms, medical systems, and even well-meaning professionals led to my feeling discouraged in trusting my instincts as a new mom. Instead, I was handed pamphlets, prescribed routines, and measured against charts.
Much of this received information felt misaligned with my natural needs and processes. I quickly realized how deeply the world – mostly led by men and those women who have internalized these norms – tries to separate women, especially mothers, from our inner knowing.
Overcoming exhaustion
Early on, I remember being told not to pick up my crying baby too much, in fear I may “spoil them.” The advice I received about how to nurse my baby centered on control and schedules, while my own needs and that of my baby were ignored. Advice came flooding in from everywhere, except from within. I had been trained, without my realizing it, to doubt myself…to disconnect from my inner experience.
As my self-doubt continued, I became exhausted – not just physically, but spiritually. My heart ached for a deeper connection to my child, and to myself. I began to ask: what if I learned to trust myself more? What if I already knew how to care for my baby? The truth was, I did know how to take care of my child. But to do so successfully, I first had to unlearn models of mothering that weren’t helpful. This meant:
- rejecting the grind culture, which told me productivity was more important than being present
- letting go of guilt when I needed to slow down
- learning to rest – really rest
- listening to my body: for example, feeding myself as tenderly as I fed my babies. I began to mother myself. And from that place of nourishment, I could begin to mother my children more fully.
Another important step was learning to find my voice again. I began to speak up at doctor’s visits, and to set boundaries with family members, saying “no” when I needed to. And maybe hardest of all, I learned to ask for help – not because I was weak, but because I had the wisdom and enough strength to know that mothers aren’t meant to do this alone.
Building our village
Engaging my partner in the parenting journey wasn’t just a task – it was a transformation. I stopped assuming I had to carry the invisible load by myself, and learned to share what I needed. Another step was to work on reducing my feelings of resentment and guilt. I invited my partner in, not just to share tasks, but to be a co-creator of our family life. The work of building a family is a sacred endeavour – and it’s crucial my partner feels empowered and involved as we progress towards success. We learned, together, how to build our family ‘village’.
My healing has been layered. Therapy, breathwork, ancestral traditions, spirituality, community – all have helped me return to myself. I’ve reclaimed my power not as a perfect mother, but as a present one. A mother who shows her children how to speak with kindness; how to rest with purpose; how to love with strength; and how to honor the self, as a sacred being in this world.
We say “it takes a village” to raise a child, and it does. But first, we need to name the ways the village has been dismantled – and then start building it back, brick by brick, blessing by blessing – changing systems as we go.
Greatest hope
My children are watching. They see me rest, advocate, cry, and rise. They are learning that strong people ask for help, kind people set boundaries, and resilient people know when to pause. My greatest hope is that they will take this knowledge into the world and help make it softer, stronger, and more just. My perspective on motherhood has changed: it’s not a checklist, but rather an intentional, reciprocal, and flexible way of being. Motherhood has become a sacred remembering of the wisdom I was born with – and I have gained the courage to live by it.
