Balancing Darkness and Light

In early January, I went to my cousin’s funeral. Steve died relatively young: he was only in his 60s but experienced lifelong physical challenges. Steve relied on the love and care of his family and friends, the expertise of medical specialists and support workers, and a high-end wheelchair to achieve a remarkable life. Only months ago, he’d retired from his work as a much-admired teacher.

The funeral was held within days of my cousin’s passing, and a small group of us stood in the cemetery around the plot of ground not far from a river. The sun was out after many cloudy days: it helped warm us as we listened to the words and music chosen for the service. I felt reassured by the readings of the minister, who wore a most Canadian outfit of a red sweater, white wool coat, and red gloves.

An earlier conversation

Many years ago, during a conversation with Steve about teaching, he emphasized the importance of students having a positive attitude as they entered their careers as journalists. I remembered that discussion as I struggled with the heaviness of his death and recalled funerals I’ve gone to, including the ones for my parents, who died decades ago.

That skill — having a positive attitude — is one my cousin demonstrated daily. He and his family learned to manage the complex arrangements required by his physical state, making it possible for Steve to continue teaching university students, be involved with various organizations, and write articles printed in major publications. When he learned that his wife had an incurable illness, Steve and his family somehow met the new challenges as they arose. Yet most people, including his students, wouldn’t know how much Steve had to handle: he remained a receptive and generally upbeat person.

Maintaining mental health and a positive attitude has been difficult for me and many others during the past few years. In a short time, we’ve all had to deal with acute challenges: not only the toll of the pandemic, particularly on our children; but also wars whose images are on frequent display in the media; economic instabilities; and profound political, social and environmental failings.

I don’t believe that every cloud has a silver lining. But over time, I’ve tried to learn from the examples of Steve and others by focusing on end goals — and noting good things that sometimes happen during difficulties. Because even if these positive things aren’t enough to turn things around, they often provide a way to ride out challenges or help lift us above them for a while.

PERSONAL ESSAY