Holding Onto Hope After Illness

In my experience over the years, I have found hope to be a powerful and sustaining force that shines through dark times.

A couple of years ago, when Covid arrived and began spreading into the population, I needed to take extra steps to protect my health. With a compromised immune system, I had to mitigate exposure to potentially risky situations.

After critical consideration and as recommended, I got the first vaccine as soon as it was available.

Compromised immune system

My partner and I stopped our frequent visits with friends and family, unless we were outdoors. We also learned to limit close contact: hugs became a thing of the past.

We paddled
on near-empty
waterways.

We bought kayaks and paddled on near-empty waterways and mostly walked on weekdays to enjoy less-crowded paths.

Gardening in our community and backyard was a beautiful learning opportunity. And because this work was outdoors, there was little risk to my health. I volunteered with the Butterflyway project, through the David Suzuki Foundation. This program taught me how to protect and increase butterfly populations through planting butterfly-friendly gardens in our community.

We took up doing puzzles, embraced cooking and, of course, read more. And my partner worked from home for over two years.

Serious reaction

When the second vaccination was available, I received it. But this time, I experienced a severe physical reaction to the shot. After several weeks of illness, I finally recovered. We lived carefully, and time passed.

With extremely limited energy during this period, I couldn’t maintain my usual online social media presence. However, the opportunity to contribute to a weekly online travel chat and community kept me feeling connected and vicariously encouraged my wanderlust.

Eventually, after months of good health, my partner and I decided to rejoin day-to-day life in the world. We travelled and visited friends.

Then, I contracted the Covid virus for the first time. And because of my compromised immune system, the virus hit especially hard. I was severely ill for a month, plus needed to recover for several more because of lingering problems.

I learned to look beyond my current situation so I could hold on to life’s joys instead of just surviving fog-filled days.

Coping with loss and fear

It took time for me to grieve everything that I had lost, and it became my all-encompassing quest to gain strength, stay my fears, and to seek a new normal. I had to let go of the things Covid took from me. Dreams of the countries that I’d planned to visit – students who I might have taught – get-togethers with family and friends. It was overwhelming to contemplate the reality of travel, especially since I’d likely contracted Covid at a crowded airport.

My daily motivation was to live with appreciation for each moment. I looked forward to a future – a new normal life – when I felt protected because of steps I’d taken to banish the fear of Covid.

Planning for the future

I believe that hope is shown when we can create exciting yet realistic plans and goals, whether small or large.

Once again, I found the strength to make plans. Finally, I was well enough to enjoy family dinners and get-togethers with friends. And to attend my book club in person instead of on Zoom. To dine out, and to travel again.

Throughout difficult times, I constantly found whispers of hope that sustained me when I needed them.

A favourite poem of mine is by Mary Oliver, which has the line:

Although I have chosen not to go back into a classroom to teach, I’m inspired to enjoy life as best as I can. I am happily looking forward with hope.