Lessons from a Big Mistake
An old family video shows me, around five years of age, crying… frustrated that my toys keep falling off a toy wheelbarrow as I struggle to keep it steady. My dad is behind the camera, laughing hysterically at my inept perseverance. I found his contagious laughter incredibly upsetting when I was young – although now I miss it deeply.
Early morning mishap
Contrary to my belief, my father’s unstoppable laughter had a filter. And I was grateful for this filter when, early one morning, I had an accident with the family car. As an anxious teenager who found exercise to be empowering, I’d gotten up for an early-morning workout. I entered the garage, started the car, backed up – then realized I hadn’t opened the garage door. My parents and sisters were still asleep, but the impact was louder than I expected.
I didn’t know what to do next. Certain only that my early-morning workout wasn’t happening, I paced around in the kitchen – almost crying, and unable to think of solutions. My dad came to see what had happened. He didn’t laugh, didn’t yell, didn’t make me feel ashamed. He hugged me and told me we’d figure it out.
Lesson’s impact today
This personal experience is one of many that guides my work in restorative and transformative justice, as a child psychiatrist supporting kids and families. And as a mother of two young kids, I work hard to emulate my father’s response when my children make mistakes … when I make mistakes. We can be gentle, comforting, and supportive, even when we make mistakes.
