The Gift of Dishwashing
Christmas is on my mind these days. I want the holiday to be different this time. As mom in a family of eight, clutter is my nemesis, and I have been persistently removing it from my home: one small piece at a time. And so, I decided that this year our gifts need to be meaningful and not add to the clutter. This decision has me thinking about past gifts I have given – and the ones I have received.
One of the best gifts ever arrived when I was a young mother.
An intensely challenging time
Over 16 years ago, I was living in Southwestern Ontario. My husband had moved to Prince Edward Island (PEI) in the middle of March to start a new job, while I remained behind to wait out the end of the school year. I was newly pregnant and caring for my three young children.
Our first offer on a house in PEI had fallen through because our own place had not yet sold. It was the middle of May, and the days were long. I got up early to get my oldest off to Grade 2; care for my other children; continue to pack up and show a large house; and work on the many details of moving to a smaller home, nearly 2000 km away.
On top of our moving-related challenges, two of my children were having health issues requiring special diets, and our school-aged child was struggling in class and being bullied. The day ended for me long after my children were in bed. Each evening, I tidied the house to ensure it could be shown the next day if needed. I was exhausted and overwhelmed.
Someone to trust
During this toughest time, I met Dianne, a kind older lady. We met through Freecycle, an online Yahoo group for gifting and receiving items (like today’s ‘Buy Nothing’ groups).
I can’t remember when my relationship with Dianne started, or whether I was the ‘gifter’ or the ‘giftee’ of that initial contact. I recall conversations about family, faith, and her cottage in a community near where I grew up in Nova Scotia. Then I bought a bedroom set from Dianne: our first real one, which was useful for showing our house. That gold-accented black bedroom set (headboard; footboard; dresser with mirror; tall dresser; nightstands; and desk!) moved with us to PEI – but it’s not what reminds me of Dianne. Instead, I remember her smile.
I’m pretty sure that on the night I described above, when I was feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, she delivered a book that she used to read to her own children. There was a knock on my door – and it felt like the last thing I needed to hear.
Dianne took one look at me and asked how she could help. She walked in, surveyed my kitchen, and started washing dishes. Her thoughtfulness allowed me to sit and put my feet up (at her urging); something I seldom did in those days. That slight break, which lasted as long as it took Dianne to do a half counter full of dishes, was enough time for me to reset and to become a calmer and more focused individual. Her gesture stopped the whirlwind in my mind, and my relentless drive to get through the next thing. It allowed me to pause and to be thankful.
Lasting reminder
What is the legacy of that small and selfless act of dishwashing? Even today, when life gets overwhelming, I picture Dianne at my sink – and feel the space she afforded me, to breathe and relax. Somehow the image is calming and helps me to pause before I get back to the busyness of life: it informs me I can take a break and reminds me of a time I did not set those breaks for myself.
Dishwashing is a favourite activity of mine, and if you ever invite me to your home, I might just end up doing yours. In that space, my mind is at peace and my thoughts are focused. Ideas flow and I can just be me for a while, instead of being preoccupied with the next thing to do.
Dianne’s short time with me left a lasting impression, which I consider a genuine gift.
