A ‘Mother-in-Love’ to Remember
When deciding on a mother figure to spotlight for Mother’s Day, I realized there were several strong candidates to choose from. And I’m grateful to every one of these women. So, should I choose:
- the person who encouraged me to get my education, regretting that she could never get her own?
- the woman who, despite her years-long mental health issues, was perhaps the strongest individual I have ever known?
- or the mother who taught me the value of curiosity and advocacy, even when others decide not to listen?
In the end I selected the woman who told me, long ago, “I can either laugh or I can cry, but I choose laughter.”
The above quote is from my mother-in-law, Jean.
How to handle adversity
When facing adversity, my mother-in-law’s practice was to begin dealing with whatever had evoked the response. Sometimes, resolving issues was indeed joyful – but at other times, strong problem-solving skills were required.
One example of Jean’s aptitude revealed itself early on when, during the last stretch of my undergraduate degree, I faced a sudden challenge. I was living in a boarding house after living on campus for two years, then renting a room for the third year.
Initially, there weren’t any problems with my new fourth-year accommodation. I had wonderful roommates, and the owner was friendly; I remember one of them taught me how my name would be pronounced in Ireland.
My circumstances changed dramatically, however. The owners’ youngest child moved home, and I did not feel safe waking up to interacting with someone with an active addiction and their most recent ‘companion.’ (Parenthood has given me more understanding of the landlord’s decision, but I didn’t get it back then.)
For my wellbeing, I needed a new place immediately.
Treated like family
Just when required, the problem-solving skills of my boyfriend’s mother kicked in. She had known me for less than a year but asked that I consider moving in with her and her husband. I reflected on the situation: a change was essential, and my boyfriend had already moved to Ontario to start a master’s degree. And so, I accepted the offer and moved into his parents’ house.
My future in-laws treated me like one of their own children. My soon-to-be father-in-law drove me to university (because it so happened he worked near the campus); and he and Jean provided food, shelter, conversation, and an example of faith. I offered to pay rent, but my boyfriend’s mother wouldn’t hear of it. I am so grateful to my in-laws for their generosity. I never felt like an outsider and could finish my undergraduate degree in very good standing.
Help to reach milestones
That early assistance was not the only time my mother-in-law solved a major problem.
During the weeks leading up to our wedding, my fiancé and I were in Ontario, so we couldn’t help with many final arrangements. But Jean pitched in and finished the detailed work required. The wedding and reception were brilliant and budget-friendly.
Then a few years later, my mother-in-law helped us set up our house when we moved to a different province. I was pregnant when we moved. Several months later, and nearing my due date, we learned our child was likely to be born early. My husband’s mother thoughtfully stayed with us for three weeks to help. She gave me advice when I needed it – and I was fortunate to witness her intellect and strength, both formidable, through these interactions.
Jean was not just a mother-in-law: she was a ‘mother-in-love’. And, as I think about her while writing this, I chuckle a little, amidst also wanting to cry about the challenges of life today. Instead, however, I will get going on the work required to make things better. Exactly as she would have done.
